Good questions are at the heart of good #leadership.
Why?
- They show curiosity, and curiosity shows you value someone.
- You learn something you didn’t know before, which likely means you will know how to connect and have more powerful and influential conversations in the future. #emotionalintelligence
- They have the other person respond from their prefrontal cortex, their executive thinking brain, the source of great ideas and collaborative activity.
Equally, if not more important, is asking good questions of YOURSELF, an essential part of #selfleadership (for pretty much the same reasons listed above).
So are there any bad questions to ask? There sure are. The top one being:
Why did you do it like that? (insert head tilt and upturned palms for effect)
This will likely put someone firmly in either the fight (getting defensive) or flight (I’m outta here) mode and definitely not in their problem solving, friendly brain.
And once again, this also goes for the way you talk to yourself. If when things don’t go right, you jump in with the ‘why did you do it like that?’ chorus, you will likely find yourself swirling in self doubt and negativity that sabotages you making the right next step.
Note: It’s not just the words you use, it HOW you ask, your intent, tone and body language will also have a huge impact on how questions are received.
Some of my favorite “good” questions:
- What’s going well for you today?
- If you had a magic wand, what would you use it for today? (This can be in relation to a particular issue or in general.)
- What is one thing that would have made this meeting more effective? (Great to ask at the end of a 1:1 or team meeting.)
Today – Ask someone a good question and notice what happens in the few minutes afterwards. What did you learn? How do you feel? What does it make possible for the future?
Bonus: Ask yourself a good question and notice your experience. #selfawareness
If you want to cultivate your self leadership with me in person, join one of my upcoming programs in Troy, NY in January, or Kinderhook, NY in February. We are going to cultivate building our intuition and wisdom through (among other things) asking good questions of our heart and listening well for it’s responses. Drop me a DM if you want to hear more.
